Sherman and the Geezer’s eyes flicked nervously to Leah, whose hair was still dripping wet.
“Lockemet,” he replied in a would-be-calm tone. “I did not invite her to come into the cove, and neither did I invite them to come onto the grounds of the Evergreen Hall.”
“That is what you said about the other human wormling,” said the naga, the snakes hissing menacingly in Leah’s general direction. “You cannot continue this heresy against the laws set by our forefathers!”
“Lockemet,” repeated the Geezer, clutching at his cane in an attempt to look dignified. “Why have you brought Mekare to the surface?”
The enormous serpent swung its iron gaze upon the Geezer, who stared up at it respectfully, inclining his head in the smallest of nods.
“You have tested our patience for too long, Lockegeo, and Mekare shall decide how long you are to live.” replied the Lockemet, looking reverentially upon the sea-snake.
“But what about my successor?” asked the Geezer, staring at the Lockemet, who blinked back at him. The Lockemet considered this.
“You have had twenty-five years to train a successor Lockegeo, and now you are worried about one?” he made a disgusted sound. “The pegasi and the naga have grown impatient, Lockegeo. They are impatient with the lazy efforts of the humans”-he spat out the word as if it would infect him- “and the sloppiness with which you perform your duties!”
“Since when have you had contact with the pegasi?” the Geezer’s voice trembled slightly. The Lockemet sneered at him, revealing pointy, grayish-black fangs.
“Do you really think that the inter-magical races only speak to each other at that forsaken conference? How foolish you are, Lockegeo, even in your age. It is more then past time for the puny human race to realize what has been staring at them in the face since the beginning.”
Rowan had stopped, staring groggily at the naga as if half-asleep.
Sherman’s shock had begun to wear off slightly, and he had regained control over his knees. Leah had stopped gaping but looked extremely sick.
Why, oh why, had Sherman taken up this dumb bet?
This wasn’t the first time she had been in trouble from Sherman and Rowan’s foolishness when it came to bets. They had been friends since kindergarten, and even then Sherman and Rowan dared each other to do incredibly stupid things; sneaking out of the house at midnight to see if a ghost would rise from the graveyard, eating raw chicken, buying five-day-old sushi from the local café, putting ants up their noses…the list went on and on. Fortunately, with the mightily failed let’s-scare-the-neighborhood-butcher-act when they were nine, Sherman and Rowan had calmed down enough to think before taking on headstrong notions to heart.
But why had she allowed herself to be pulled into yet another foolish challenge?
Cold apprehension rushed through her body, making her numb with astonishment and foreboding. The unnatural position of the waters, Mekare, a bare whisper, almost, of the pegasi, the Lockegeo and the Lockemet….how had Elby known so much?
Questions flooded into her mind, unspoken queries lingering on her lips, frozen in her fright.
“The Lockezan is just as eager in this ploy as I am, Lockegeo, and the pegasi have grown just as weary of your eloquent mockery of out posts!” the Lockemet slammed his spear into the sand for emphasis. The rest of the naga –and the snakes on their heads- hissed their approval.
___________________
:edging away from sworddance: :O
Pronunciation guide, before anything else. Sowwy. 
Locke: lock-ei. (Just add the modifying noun)
Pegasi: peg-ah-sigh
Mekare: Meh-kah-ray
*
Okay, onto some questions raised by sworddance.
She said that the sea-serpent, from my description, gave off an aura of wisdom, and this did not go with the fact it was threatening. :sweatdrops:
Okay. Just because a character is an antagonist, doesn't mean that they can't hold themselves with grace and be wise. Likewise, (no pun intended) all the selfish characters don't have to be evil, a character on the good side can be acting for self-preservation as much as the person on the opposite side. See what I'm getting at? Good? Mmkay. Something else she mentioned is that "I called Saya a 'sea dryad' and an undine, and then call the naga undines." As I believe I mentioned in part 1, an undine refers to any magical being that dwells in a watery habitat or has aqua-ish powers, as a salamander refers to flamish creatures, etc..
/end rant.
So...yeah. Blah.
Enjoy!
~Sumi
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
ah, well you didn't miss much. The second one sucked and the third was confusing =D hehe. but yeah...as long as you get it I'm cool =D hehe
-JC
Nope.
As a matter of fact, I haven't seen PotC 2 OR 3. :ducks people shouting "HERESY!":
So I have almost no idea what you were talking about, movie-wise, but I got the point, nontheless.
Okay...I am officiall confused.
Can I just have a character list...names and who they are...this includes creatures.
Then can I have a plot list. I honestly have no clue what's going on...
Sorry, but for some reason nothing is sticking...maybe too much is happening too quikely...
Hmm...have you seen Pirates three? I'm going to guess that you have. Okay, so you know how at some points there were so many plot twists and characters and stuff that you just had to sit back and think "woah...what the..." then you just went along with the ride and finally got it? Well, I'm guessing that's what this is going to be like for me...unless you want to explain for me...that'd be nice...
Sorry if I sounded harsh at all...
-JC
Pegasi? Oh good! If it's what I think it is: plural of pegasus and not something else. I like Pegasi.
I must confess I'm getting a little confused with all the names in here. There're all a bit similar, but I don't think that matters too much - I'll pick it up as I go along.
-Twit
aahhh, 'our posts'.
now wait, plot device? plot device??? Quit hinting and *&^#&*^*% post it!
>.<
heh, and you like the pic?
Self portrait; they tell me it looks just like me.... muhahahaaaa....
anyway, can't wait for the next!
Ooopses.
XD
I meant "our posts", not "outposts". Which changes the entire meaning of the sentence. XD
Really? The evergreen hall thing sounds weird?
Hmm. I should try translating it. (It actually came from Juuni Kokki- there was a school called the Evergreen Academy that was burned down)
And the freakin' "then"versus"than" has ALWAYS, ALWAYS eluded me >>'
And...BWAHAHAHHAHAH! :breaks out in laughter:
the plot device has STILL not been introduced! :evil laughter:
Just you all wait....
Thanks, everybody!
~Sumi
P.S.
Oh...my....God...that is a scary profile pic, sworddance
Ooh, and the plot thickens...
And thank you for getting this up. Nothing like fear for your life to provide incentive! *sheathes sword.*
In answer to the comments you made on my comments, thanks for clearing up the confusion on the undine thing. I must've missed that when I read the first.... sorry, my bad. aheh...
On the other hand, while what you say about the wisdom and grace thing makes sense, you have to clarify that feeling to your readers of both awe and fear. What I meant was that you were sending conflicting messages, such that the reader (or maybe it's just me) doesn't pick up on their fear until you tell them they're afraid, in which case, it doesn't hit home as well. But hey, like I said, it could just be me, but I think someone else commented on a similar problem with the tide.
....Anyway, about this chapter.
I like how the dialogue is constructed, hinting at something big but never dumping information on us, and it makes us want to find out what the *&%* is going on!
Also, I like the segment of Leah's thoughts. That was well done, giving her feelings and thoughts to show us what's going on and all.
hmm. A couple typos:
"now you are worried about one?” he made a disgusted sound." --> capitalize 'He'.
"contact with the pegasi?” the Geezer’s voice trembled..." -->same thing, capitalize 'The'.
"...the pegasi have grown just as weary of your eloquent mockery of out posts!” the Lockemet slammed his spear into the sand for emphasis." --> two things: 'outposts' is one word, and again, 'The' should be capitalized.
That's all I noticed on first reading it, and I don't think you particularly want or need me to thoroughly comb it for more.
So, anyway, I like this. Very good; I love the plot thickening and the hints and stuff... and I've begun to repeat myself. Let's see.... I really liked your descriptions of the naga and the snakes on their heads hissing in approval. It made me grin; excellent description.
Heh and the neighborhood butcher comment made me laugh.
And, you have now given me a much clearer vision of what the serpent is like, which I appreciated, and I like what I see. This is smoother than before.
overall, very well done. It gets a sworddance signature of approval, so much so that I'll leave off the menacing at swordtip as incentive to write the next.
....just don't take too long, or....
Well, see my profile picture, if you really want to know.
*wicked grin*
bei'theh!
~sworddance
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Wow. I read the whole thing all the way through, and it is REALLY GOOD!
I must be a fan of this type of stuff, because I really enjoyed what you have so far.
Sadly I haven't got any constructive crit, but just so you know, this is really captivating.
Keep up the good work!
"Evergreen Hall" - inconsistent name with the rest. They're all so... fantastical but then this is like, oh, Redwall.
.
Just wondering but if it's "the" pegasi shoudn't it have a capital letter?
"It is more then past time for the puny human race" - "than" not "then"
It's getting more complicated by the minute, but that's good, I can feel a nice long book coming on
All going fine, holding back on the descriptions a bit but I only noticed because I tried to. I was a touch confused at who "Lockegeo" at the start was but I figured it out pretty soon. You might want to consider putting in a clarifying sentence, or maybe just slip in an extra word so that the reader is sure.
Nice pronunciations - very original.